Saturday, 31 December 2011

Statement to Settle

I'm a woman who was taught from the very beginning to reach for the stars in everything I do.  I'm sure my loving parents had no idea that their nit picking my homework loving guidance and military interrogations attention to detail, would turn me into a completely practical, logistical, note jotting, list making, coupon clipping, budget sticking, goal oriented, anal bitch person who finds it difficult to be satisfied in the moment.

My husband has said that I'm a black hole and completely insatiable.  He of course meant it in the most loving way that you can tell your wife that she's being an ungrateful, greedy,pushy, bitch person.  He's right, of course.  I mean, he's not right about the fact that video games are a perfectly acceptable way to spend every Saturday night for a month, or that if you add bacon bits to frozen pizza, it suddenly constitutes as a "fancy dinner."  But, about the black hole thing, he's spot on.

I am always looking and reaching for the next goal.  I am always planning for the future.  I am always working towards something.  Some thing to have, or some place to go, or some social status, or some way to keep up with the Jones', chasing a some dream that hasn't fully formed.  I care what people think of me.  I don't particularly see that as a bad thing.  To some extent is is the way I feel accepted.  But, I do think that it's beginning to present a problem in identifying who I am and what I like.  

I've had blogs before that have focused on some certain part of me, ie; my relationships and my weight loss efforts.  But I always seem to end up writing to please people.  I talk about only the good things and only the productive times.  It's unrealistic.  This blog, this one is going to be about many things.  I refuse to try and order into any kind of regularly scheduled program or topic.  I will write about what I want to write about and whenever the mood strikes me to do so.  And, my focus will be on my journey to finding satisfaction with who I am in this world.  It's a promise I'm making to myself.

...You're welcome to come along for the ride...

1 comment:

  1. Get em gurl! "let your freak flag fly" do it for yourself. Git r done!