Saturday, 31 December 2011

Happy New Year

Keep your mind out of the gutter.  This is NOT a sleazy picture.  NO!  THIS is the first picture taken of hubby and I in the New Year.  "But it's not the new year yet, C."  Well, fine, you can be a stick in the mud and go with tradition if you want to.  But, Mr. Pizza and I celebrated waking up the the New Year last Thursday morning.

You see, I had Thursday off of nanny duty.  If you don't have children, then you won't realize how NOT FUN it is to hold down a 13 hour single-parent shift while being hung over and sleep deprived from a drunken countdown party to midnight the night before.  We move holidays around our work/sleep schedules here.  It just makes sense.

So this picture; this is at about 7 am (yes, that's sleeping in for us) on the start of our new year.  Early Thursday morning, shiny-faced and bleary-eyed after a crazed rum and coke soaked "new year's early eve" on the couch watching movies, the alarm went off, the light turned on and I told Mr. Pizza to "cheese."  It's a good time to point out that he obliged me.  Says something about how much he loves me, I think.

When I see this picture all I can think about is how lucky I am to have had such a wonderful life with that man already.  We are high school sweethearts, I'm 26 and have spent half my life with him.  The story is romantic, I'll admit, but there are plenty of times I have wondered "what ifs" about it.  What if we had never met and how would my life be different.  What it really comes down to though, is that I've never felt the need to go find out.  I cannot imagine my life without him in it.  I have no idea who I would be without him.  He is my other half in more ways than my rebelliousness would like to admit, but I am grateful to be so valued by him.  And I know that every day I've spent with him has been well spent.

Statement to Settle

I'm a woman who was taught from the very beginning to reach for the stars in everything I do.  I'm sure my loving parents had no idea that their nit picking my homework loving guidance and military interrogations attention to detail, would turn me into a completely practical, logistical, note jotting, list making, coupon clipping, budget sticking, goal oriented, anal bitch person who finds it difficult to be satisfied in the moment.

My husband has said that I'm a black hole and completely insatiable.  He of course meant it in the most loving way that you can tell your wife that she's being an ungrateful, greedy,pushy, bitch person.  He's right, of course.  I mean, he's not right about the fact that video games are a perfectly acceptable way to spend every Saturday night for a month, or that if you add bacon bits to frozen pizza, it suddenly constitutes as a "fancy dinner."  But, about the black hole thing, he's spot on.

I am always looking and reaching for the next goal.  I am always planning for the future.  I am always working towards something.  Some thing to have, or some place to go, or some social status, or some way to keep up with the Jones', chasing a some dream that hasn't fully formed.  I care what people think of me.  I don't particularly see that as a bad thing.  To some extent is is the way I feel accepted.  But, I do think that it's beginning to present a problem in identifying who I am and what I like.  

I've had blogs before that have focused on some certain part of me, ie; my relationships and my weight loss efforts.  But I always seem to end up writing to please people.  I talk about only the good things and only the productive times.  It's unrealistic.  This blog, this one is going to be about many things.  I refuse to try and order into any kind of regularly scheduled program or topic.  I will write about what I want to write about and whenever the mood strikes me to do so.  And, my focus will be on my journey to finding satisfaction with who I am in this world.  It's a promise I'm making to myself.

...You're welcome to come along for the ride...